YOU'RE FLITHY! and more... ramblings

Can you believe MY wonderful Max, showed up to the back door looking like this!  I immediately picked him up and put him in the bathtub.  And this would be where I grabbed my cell phone and took a picture.  He's so pittiful!  but there is NO POSSIBLE way, I can let him run around the house looking like something out of the movie "IT". 

Needless to say there has been about a day and a half of non-stop raining.  Some pouring down rain, but always enough to keep your windsheild wipers on.... did a lot of driving this holiday, okay well Josh did a lot of driving in my Civic.

Honestly it was a good holiday, a few things didn't happen the way i would have liked, but everything always turns out in the end.  My family... is absolutely nuts... crazy, loud, obnoxious etc... but its my family and honestly when i was a kid, all i remember is that there was always a big to do about who was sitting where at the table.  But there was never a scheduling of things.  Because everyone was right there at grandma's house.  Now, between my father and his side (grandma and grandpa) (who live in Mint Hill also), my mother, and my sister... there is never just one gathering where you hang out all day and eventually everything gets done.  There has to be seperate get togethers and it has to fit in to everyone else's schedule.  Things get missed every year and I long for the days when we could all be together.  Where mom and grandma where in the kitchen with my aunt laura and the guys... i don't really know what they did, my oldest sister set the table with help from my aunt Jeanne, and us kids would play in the basemet.  there are several pictures of all of these get togethers in the family album... which has mostly been pieced out and given to whomever really cares for the picture.  So divorce... where it may be right for the two married, it always makes life harder for the children.  and i'm sure for the adults as well, since they can only spend a small amout of time with their family before they have to leave and go to the ex(husbands or wifes) house.

Breakfast is ready again.  I'm ending on this note.

Snow!

The winding streets of Blowing Rock, NC.  About, oh, two weeks ago, Josh and I headed out looking for snow; because the snow we were promised here in Charlotte never came.  So we headed north.  I thought maybe we should go to Boone, and on the way it started snowing right around Blowing Rock.  So we took the exit to the tourist attraction and found our way to the small town.  Oh I wish I would have taken more pictures, but it was so cold and snowing so hard! So we stopped into the wonderful little place...

It was wonderful.  Very small, and we were right next to... oh time for breakfast, will finish!

Fall Foliage... well what's left of it!

I all of a sudden find myself, feeling... artsy... this is how I seized the moment at the time, I took pictures of the trees.  This year between the freezing cold rain and extremely warm sunny days, we haven't had a "spectacular" leaf change.  So I took close up shots, hoping to make up for the lack of foliage.  And this is what I ended up with.  I'm at work for the next three days. So I hope I'll be extremely busy and the days will fly by!

So.... This is what I want for my house one day, when I get married. I want my house to be all festive and seasonal. This centerpiece is completely real, a crystal bowl of my grandmothers, a small pumpkin (I swear no imperfections, I was so lucky) and leaves from the backyard (courtesy of Josh and Gma and Gpa). My mother came over to my grandparents house to retrieve an angel she had acquired by my Aunt Jeanne's death two weeks ago. Her b-day is tomorrow, which she might kill me for saying... but she is getting older, lol. So I did a coffee and cake type get together. Called up my sister and she brought over her two children, Ben (3yrs) and Al'Aura (2 months). Josh was there, of course, I can't do these things without him, I get swpt into a frenzy. there are some pictures on my facebook page. (http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=119441&id=510399600&l=3701813525). I was able to get pictures of Al'Aura smiling, which Sharon (my sister) says she hasn't been able to do yet.
Right now, I am enjoying and thanking the Lord for the beautiful Fall weather, the season and the wonderful time spent with my mom and grandparents (my parents are divorced and these are what you would call ex-in laws, i guess) . I always remember that my Aunt and mother were very close, because anyone who came into contact with my grandmother's family 20 years ago became a member of the family. My mom always said that she always appreciated the time my Grandmother Louise spent with her and even though my Grandmother can be a bit much sometimes, my mom always was able to handle it, just like a true southern belle. She's from Georgia...
So within this passage, you have learned that my Aunt Jeanne died about two weeks ago from a complication, that all started with fibromyleosis. a rare cancer. She was being treat at the University of Utah, and was given stem cells from my fathers (her brother) blood. And from there, things, problems, came and went, but she eventually couldn't push through it any longer, with being on immuno-suppressants, she developed a angioscarcoma on her C5 Vertebre, in her neck, and with it growing so fast, pushed on her trachea, and caused her to have trouble breathing. So, since the angioscarcoma had taken over her neck area, there was.... almost nothing to do. There was no quality of life, just quantity of life. So my uncle Chris made the right choices, and my Grandparents were able to get to Salt Lake City in time to see her before she passed, although she was no longer responsive. I feel bad that I wasn't able to go out there and visit her, or talk to her more. I never thought I would regret something like that, but here I am, at 23 and already regretting it.

Treat every goodbye as it may be your last... and never leave angry.

Just layin' around

Max and I have found ourselves spending more time together, and it's about time! For about a year, I ran around going to class (usually at least 4-8 hrs at a time) then stopping by the hospital to pick up my assignment. Then at night I was studying (which sometimes I had to drop him off with Josh or my mom so he wouldn't bother me to play with him... I couldn't resist his puppy dog eyes) and trying to get into bed before 10 30 pm or so, because I had to wake up at about 5:30am, to run to the hospital and either work for 12 hours, do clinical for 8 hours (which rounds out to about 10 hours), or to class. I tried to make it so I would have one day off a week, and sometimes that happened. But Max, poor Max, only saw his mom every so often. Luckily the very loving people I have lived with for the last two years, have all fallen in love with Max and enjoyed taking care of him. At least that is what they tell me!
But now, after graduating from nursing school, passing my NCLEX, I am a Registered Nurse. I have one more hurdle, I have to find a job, until then Max and I will spend time together walking, sleeping in, playing and cuddling...

You're Like Coming Home...

Lonestar's You're Like Comin' Home
Ridin' restless under broken sky,
Weary traveller, somethin' missin' inside,
Always lookin' for a reason to turn around.
Desperate for a little peace of mind.
Just a little piece of what I left behind:
Well, I found it now: you're like coming home. You're like a Sunday mornin', pleasin' my eyes;
You're a midsummer's dream under a star-soaked sky.
That peaceful easy feelin' at the end of a long, long road.
You're like coming home;

You're like coming home, all right.
Go head an' let your hair fall down.

This wanderlust: it's gone now.

I'm here in your arms;

I'm safe from the road again.

These are the days that can't be erased:

Baby, there isn't a better place;

You're like heaven:

you're like coming home.

It's taken me a while to realize some things recently.

Carrie Underwood's: I just can't live a lie

Lately nothing I do ever seems to please you

And maybe turning my back would be that much easier

Cause hurtful words are all that we exchange

But I can't watch you walk away

Can I forget about the way it feels to touch you?

And all about the good times that we've been through

Could I wake up without you every day?

Would I let you walk away?

No, I can't learn to live without

And I can't give up on us now

[Chorus]Oh, I know I could say we're through

And tell myself I'm over you

But even if I made a vow

A promise not to miss you now

And try to hide the truth insideI'd fail cause

I, I just can't live a lie

Could I forget the look that tells me that you want me?

And all the reasons that make loving you so easy

The kiss that always makes it hard to breathe

The way you know just what I mean

No, I can't learn to live without

Ohh, so don't you give up on us now

This is what I've been battling. I know that I will be happy, I just have to get there?

Another Summary

Graduation was almost two months ago, I've found that I have lots of free time since I no longer have class to go to, or NCLEX to study for (SINCE I PASSED! YAY), Maybe I can slow down now... I do need to find a nursing job, unfortunately there aren't many out there right now with the state of the economy. Everything will perk back up. I couldn't have done any of it without ishie... it's like an ever drawing force, everything feels right with him, everything is perfect. I've noticed one thing... if you spend your time trying to make your spouse happy, then (hopefully) he will try to make you happy and it's balanced and you make each other happy. I know to most people it will seem like it's too simple, but sometimes simplicity is what you need.

May 7th.... come faster...

It's been quite a while, I don't have too much to say, but I do graduate on May 7th at 2pm at Dana Auditorium on the Queens University Campus. If you would like to come, please do! you can always email me at karaizy04@aol.com for more information. I cannot wait. But the next three weeks are filled with 64hr/wks (40 for preceptorship, and 24 for work), I think I'll be a full time resident of the hospital, I feel. at 12pm today i have the simulation lab here at the 5th street campus in charlotte. supposed to be here for 2 hours, hopefully i have a really smart group, and we will be out sooner rather than later... :-). I have to say the last few days I have been absolutely exhausted. Someone suggested a massage and a long nap. I may do that today, I need to give my body a break before I'm at the hospital for the next 3 days, 12 hr days.
Next to me, sitting in the break area of the school of nursing, are a group of students getting their CNA... they are talking about nursing schools and which ones are better etc... i remember those days, i'm glad they are over, i know, no matter what two cents i add in, they will find out within the next 3 years. im going home after this simulation lab.... have a wonderful day.

Blue Bird

As I was sitting at my desk today, which faces two large windows, I saw a beautiful blue bird. I'm not a bird person, I don't know what type of bird this is, or which bird feeder my surrogate parents use for this particular type of bird, but I just thought it was nice.

The Perfect Mid-Air Shot

This is My Max. Hopping through the forest... This is how Max runs, this is only one other reason why I love my Max. This was taken almost over a month ago, but I have just now uploaded it. Now, if Max wasn't wearing his "sleeper" as i call it, you wouldn't be able to see him! It's a perfect mid-air shot!

I am NOT ready

I had a guy ask me today to be his "girlfriend" and at first, I was apt to say yes. but now as i think in my head, I'm not ready for this, I need to be free, I need to stand on my own two feet, I need to graduate nursing school, I need to get closer to God. I need to find out who I am. I told him I'd think about it. I will think, but I'm sure of the answer already. I am NOT ready.

One last Hurray before school starts again!

Went over to Ryan and Sue's last night for a small party. This pic is of me, Sue and Nicole (please pardon Nicole's mouth being swollen, she had her wisdow teeth out and was developing cabin fever). She'll hate me if she ever sees it. We had a good time. Good people and fun games etc... went home around 1 i believe. I was so happy to see my Max there waiting for me!

But Today I am back to working on my hemodialysis paper and studying for a neurology exam set for Tuesday. Which reminds me, I really need to get ahold of a copy of that Leadership book by Phi Theta Kappa. hummm...

It's been awhile

It's been awhile since I've had the time to get on here and write. A lot has changed. I don't know when it all will hit me. Maybe in a few years, like my parents' divorce did, who knows? i have good and bad days. I am some special notes I need to write, but I don't know what to wrtie exactly yet, I'm waiting for the words to come, so please be patient with me. I love you!

Interviews and Valentines

I wish I could make this look all nice with pink and red tissue and a ribbon, but i resorted to the back on my car on a blanket. I wanted to blog about it before V-day. J's mom gave this to me when we had dinner Tuesday night. It was a nice surprise and they chocolates were really good! And just enough for me, I'm not a big chocolate person. Thank you D.

Yesterday, I had two interviews. I was running late (which seems to be how I am lately), I didn't like what i was wearing, my hair wasn't working right, I hadn't eaten, I slept from 7pm the previous night to 7am thursday morning. I had to be at the hospital at 8 15. Max was following back and forth from bedroom to bathroom. I got there at 0830 which is when my first interview was. I was taken to my first interview, the CVI (cardiovascular institute). Three people interviewed me for this area. I didn't have the right answers.... blah I left thinking "I so bombed that, darnit." I went back to the room, where we were to wait. I decided that I needed a different outfit, I needed to eat, and I needed my medication. (I didn't even wake up to take my BP meds that night.... not good, causes headaches and elevated BP and HR) I called my mom, over and over and over.. and over again until she answered. she was still asleep as i knew she would be. i explained what was going on and she knew exactly what to give me and pepped me up a bit. J was able to go to moms and get the pants, and bring them all the way uptown to the hospital. I met him outside and he gave me a pep talk, which I really needed. I don't know what i would do without him. My saving grace, and the man that makes me want to be a better person. And get this, he was on the way to the courthouse to pay my ticket that i had gotten for speeding on my way to work a month ago. like i said my saving grace.

I went inside and back to my home unit. I changed and asked some of my nurse friends how i looked what i should say and etc.. My last interview was with O.R. I was really looking forward to it.

The interview went so well! I had talked to one of the recovery room (from an operation) nurse's and she had taken her time to go and find Ed, the nurse manager for the OR, to tell him, "you need to get her, she's good!". That made me happy! and I do think that it helped! I talked to him for almost 45 minutes! and he offered to let me observe some surgeries! To get a feel for the unit, and get more comfortable. He did not offer me a job, but I don't believe anyone was offered a job today. I don't know. I can't wait to go observe! I would love to work there and I think that is my first choice! Pray for me!

Happy Valentines Day!

Birthing Angels

Today in class we were talking about end of life care, and they were talking about hospice nurses, the hospices nurses have been known to say: while maternity nurses bring babies into the world, hospice nurses birth angels.

The picture I found i'm sure is a little well weird, but its what google had to offer.

It finally hit me.

So, the economy problems that have been reaking havoc on the world around me, hit really close today. A very close friend of mine lost their job. It's almost hard to realize that we really are in a recession, just by looking around your house, or in the nieghborhood, I was looking at Max today and thought how wonderful it was, sun shining, crisp cool air and... oh yeah ___ lost their job, this sucks. I shouldn't be happy in a time like this, while others have their life crumbling around them. I'm not happy, but I'm okay. I have a steady job and a career... okay well almost, but i'm missing a few things i had almost a year ago. wow, how i've seemed to mess things up lately. But I'm working on them, I've got some professional help going on... lol, it's the truth, I'm gonna fix me, before i hurt anyone else.

Please pray for a few things:
my friend finding a job
my father's business
the "me" project
and the finding a nursing job in the struggling economy project

I need to remember that I do have things to be thankful for:
a wonderful small group
ill get back to you on that....

Brunner & Suddarth's Textbook of Medical-Surgical Nursing (11th edition)

Happy Studying! no not really. I've never had to read my nursing (med-surg) book until now. I decided the notes I had taken from a certain teacher... weren't helpful, and if i wanted to learn it, I better read it! So here i am in the kidney section (Renal for you nurses) it's talking about nephrons and the entire kidney system... it's almost like wadding through all the tiny details... just so you can get the point of what the kidney does. I learned anatomy 3 years ago! for godness sake! I'll make it. I will...

Randomness

I was trying to explain to Amy this week how it feels to have a mini-anxiety attack. I had written it down in my journal.

If you've ever had IV contrast dye, where when they push it through it makes you "warm" all over, thats how it feels but no warmth. A rush of something going through me, i'm sure its adrenanline or something like that. "like a sting, almost like a scared shaky chill (like a cold chill)" is exactly what i had written. You feel uneasy, self-conscious etc...

I don't like it, but sometimes it goes away really fast and sometimes it lingers. I mean it eventually goes away, my god or id be in the looney bin. lol, maybe i already am, it's just a very liberal looney bin.

As far as my nursing future, I don't know where I'm going to work. I thought I had known that forever, but I was apparently wrong. There aren't any available positions open at this time. which sounds right because we have been adequately staffed lately.

thoughts are done for now.

A trip to Myrtle

This is me, trying to take a picture of Max with my cell phone and being unsuccessful. This picture was taken by J, thankfully. This morning we woke up and decided to go to the beach. And within 30 minutes we were out the door heading toward south carolina! We wanted to take Max to the beach, knowing he would love it! As you can tell its a little cold, and J wouldn't let me put on Max's "sleeper" as I call it, it has footies and all! so Max liked it, except the wind blowing him away part, he didn't like that too much. But summer will come and we will take him again! Okay off to bed! it's been a long day!

Very, Very Sleepy

This is me, very, very, very tired. i had just gotten to work and wanted to send my baby, J, a picture. These days, me getting out of bed consists of, at the very least, 3 alarms going off five minutes apart (5 10, 5 15, and 5 20am) then me hitting snooze every five minutes until i finally... say okay... i'm up! and at the same time and sit straight up, legs off the side of the bed and head up! then the rest of my morning continues. I usually cover Max's head, poor thing, why should he have to get up? Then again, i could get him back for waking me up so much, when i can actually sleep in! and drag myself to the bathroom. I'm out the door by 6 at the least. So i can be at the hospital by 6 25 or so. I know my shift doesn't start until 7, but its one of the occupations where, if you're early, you're on time, if you're on time, you're late.

So, tomorrow, i have class, and, with the help of my friends in class, i know, friends right? we figured out we'll probably have a "Pop" quiz tomorrow. the quizzes are unannounced and we haven't had a single one yet. So it's safe to say, tomorrow a quiz, esp since we have a test next week. So pray for me, i'm wearing down, need to finish a concept map and a critical thinking "reflection".... hummm..... Nursing School.

Just a Monday

Twenty-something and in nursing school. Sunday, I had to leave J early to go home and work on a paper that I hadn't even started to research, and also get a movie from blockbuster that my group had to watch for school, J had taken me off his blockbuster account (when we broke up about four months ago), so I couldn't rent the movie on the way home from his house. I got angry. I had just pulled into blockbuster when he realized this. so an arguement stemmed from that. we keep going in these circles, over and over again. I really know that we need to break out of this cycle. It's wearing me down, over and over. But we are going to take care of that as soon as possible.

Right now i'm at honda... again. This time my keyless entry is acting up. The entire car locks, alarm goes on and everything, but the driver side door, for some reason, opens. The alarm doesn't sound, it just opens right up. Great for the convicts out there, but not for me. so i'm here, the day after i realize it, to get it fixed so that no one steals my car.

I also have a md appointment today at 3 30pm. i'm hoping i get out of here on time, my fingers are freezing, all i've eaten are my wonderful 5 seed almond bars, a tall white mocha, and part of a dr. pepper. My day will get better. Tomorrow I don't have class until 12 noon. I'm looking forward to that.

Class after the Test,

This is class as we prepare for lecture. our class is so large we had to be in two seperate classrooms. I think I should have studied a bit more. there are 85 people in my class. As you can tell, they are not all in this picture. this is the biggest classroom in the nursing school. Right now everyone seems to be worried about graduation. we still have a few weeks. everything is pre planned let it go! they will. nervous nellies as they call them. I am unable to listen. QUEENS WILL ORCHESTRATE EVERYTHING. WE HAVE NO SAY WHAT SO EVER. this is as we are talking im getting annoied. 2 hr for graduation then traffic etc... P.S. we do not get our coke machine refilled enough. i am drinking diet coke. uck. i want sprite or dr pepper cherry coke or something else etc... i'm complaining. Deep breath caroline deep breath. only a few hours.

Can you believe I completely forgot to go to my gradmothers yesterday! I forgot I was supposed to even go. I felt horrible. I am going to try to go today after class. she even made a dish i love! HER meatloaf. it's so yummy. So, Donna Shepard is still talking and we are going to talk about renal stuff. She is talking so fast I can barely keep up. she is telling a story right now so I have sometime. Kidney stones... blah da blah blah. more to come.

Where's Waldo? I mean, where's Max? he doesn't have his snow suit on, so this one should be a little tougher. Oh and I dare not step outside of the screened porch, I might melt. Lol, no I didn't have shoes on. Max loves the snow, hopping through it, if you know Max, you know that is what he does... he hops through grass and others instead of running. Hopefully Ill put on some shoes later and get better pictures. It's stopped snowing.. i might want to do that sooner then later...

This is my Max, a one year old Maltipoo, who wins the hearts of almost everyone he meets. I have to say this isn't the best picture, but it is the most recent. This was taken tonight when we went on a trip to the local chinese place to grab some food with J (the love in my life). Max is wearing a "letter jacket" that S bought for him for Christmas. It's adorable. much more manly than the other outfits I have!

Max is my completely unconditional love. It's different from the love of a person, because Max is fluffy, soft, and is so excited to see you even though you had to leave him at home all day because you had to work. Sometimes, he drives me absolutely crazy, but a few good kisses when you are just feeling a little blah, are all you need!

So today, on the way to class at 7am. I get into my car... which is acting, a little shaky... but you would be too if it was 14 degrees outside! That is the coldest I can ever remember in my short lifetime. It takes my car longer to warm up than usual, but i am bundled up, with me scarf, leather fluffy black Eskimo jacket, with hood on and gloves. That is a big deal for North Carolinians'!

To back up to earlier this morning, class wasn't until 9 today, so i was able to sleep in until 0630!! wow! lol, but I put on my fluffy robe, given to me by my mother a few Christmas's' ago, and my slippers, which she also got... wow she keeps me cozy! , picked up Max (my maltipoo) and go downstairs. I put on his "sleeper" as I call it, Ill have to post a picture! and let him out... he is so eager! He runs outside, I go inside and start the coffee. then, I hear a bark... but not from the back, from the front!! AH! I'm scared he is through the woods and barking at the Mastiff across the street.
I run to the front door, and luckily he is sitting in the front right near the deck. I grab him and take him inside saying "what do you think you are doing!" S comes downstairs at that time and says he probably got out because the gas man probably left the gate open. Good- don't have to worry about a huge hole under the fence.

That is my big story for the day... it is only 9:42. and i am in class... talking about hemodialysis. by the way, it's cold.

After the bad day... the Good Stuff

So, today... was horrid. but I found myself wanting a hot cup of tea, a comfy chair and well... anything. i just wanted the tea and chair. I sat in class from 7 to 4 today listening to lectures. I would have loved to have had a comfy chair. I kept moving and fidgeting, i couldn't get comfortable.

When I went to lunch from 11-12, i think, i was determined to just leave, and not come back and listen to another four hours of lecture. But something brought me back. On the way back i got warm (it was the jacket, believe me it was cold today!) so i rolled my driver's side window down a bit, but before i even got it to stop... it was getting stuck! Stuck! really! (yesterday I bought out my leased civic- which had to be inspected, and well the window tint wasn't legal, so they had to scrape it off.) I tried to roll it back up but it would literally stop and roll down even farther! by the time i was done trying to even get it up... it was 1/4 of the way up. Erg, was I mad! But I was going to class, so i drove back to school, hope and prayed before leaving my car to fend for itself, that no one would steal it, or take anything out of it etc... I called Honda and told them in the most Southern Bell-ish way, that I was upset, and i would be there as soon as class got out. So class was rough, boring, confusing, anxiety ridden and scattered but i made it to 4, and walked back to my car. Which was safe and sound! Thank you God!

I headed onward to Honda, once i got there, i was sure they knew i was coming in, and what was wrong. But they didn't. That's okay I had my buddy Jimmy, the best customer service, service guy there. Time passed and Jimmy came to me and said that basically that the guy who took off the tint did a "crappy" job. But! He had everything set. They had put the window back up, he told me not to roll it down for any reason, the parts would be here Saturday, but he want a certain tech to work on it, so wait until the week. So I finally headed home. Mind you, I have been at Honda everyday this week so far.

But needless to say, when i got home, i sat down and talked to S and M about the horrible day, I was relieved it was finally over. They were going out and I am doing exactly what I wanted to do. Drink hot tea, sit in a comfy chair and ____________. Study of course. It's the life of a twenty-two something- in nursing school.